Byline: MAEVE BINCHY
I fake rolex knew a woman way back who was very pleased with herself. That's just what she was - REALLY pleased with the whole package of her life. She was pleased that she had lost weight, that her husband's business had done so well, that she had done up her house, that she could make super light pastry, and that she had bought designer shoes at a thrift shop.
But she wasn't really HAPPY about all these things. Happiness didn't actually enter into it. The signs said smug rather than happy. She was so clever to have shopped so well, to have dieted so hard, to have played so well the role of supportive trophy wife. But nobody would have called her a happy person.
What makes people give off vibes of happiness? Enthusiasm definitely. People who are positive and excited about what they are doing, or passionate and involved about caring will always sound and will always BE happy.
Laughter is another good indicator. When you see someone's face creased up and hear a peal of laughter then you know instantly that this is a happy person. People don't make great jovial sounds like that out of smugness. A tight nervous laugh accompanying a waspish remark might of course be smug rather than happy.
'Oh really? You don't grow your own vegetables? How amazing (tinkle tinkle laugh). But then, you must have very good reasons for going to a shop instead of out to the garden.' The really good advice is to ignore totally something like this. There's no clever response that works. It's best to sound humble and ashamed and wrong. Fighting back won't do you any good. Just remember that this is certainly not the remark of a happy person, it's replica clothing the view of someone who has turned life into a competition and written the rules in a way that means she is always going to win.
Sometimes smugness is at its worst and most irritating in married couples and is best seen when they put on a little act which is meant to say, 'Look and marvel at how happy we are! Being a perfect couple is not easy for everyone, but we have managed it because we are brilliant.' This is not true happiness, instead it shows a pathetic wish to create envy and has little or nothing to do with having a good marriage. I have always thought the number of 'darlings' in an average sentence is in inverse ratio to the amount of real content in a relationship.
And you can easily recognise real love and happiness when you do see it. It has to do with people looking out for each other's good. The glances of affection that are exchanged almost automatically, the way people listen to each other's stories, tales they must have heard a dozen times. The way they laugh together at times remembered and further times planned. Genuine happiness is a million miles from the smug approval seeking which is so hollow by comparison. When a couple say, 'WE don't sit and watch TV in the evenings', I want to ask someone to pass me a sick bag..
It is excluding, it's dismissive, it's critical of others. The word 'We' is nauseating, the implication that they think with a single mind. These are people who chose each other as life companions - they are not joined at the hip. Those who are really happy never shut the door on others. They share the happiness and spread it around. You know as well as I do the kind of home where you feel better the moment you arrive and where that feeling grows stronger all evening. It has nothing to do with stylish decor.
The Singles are not immune to waves of smugness either. Think back on the number of professional bachelors or elegant career women you have met who hav
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